WOW....Time goes by so fast

WOW..... I thought that I could keep up with my blogs while my husband is gone, take care of three kids (sometimes more bc I babysit for a couple of friends on occasion), homeschool, clean house, and keep up with exercise. Well it was the blogs that had to go just so that I could keep up.

I did stay behind at our duty station while my husband went to South Korea for a year. However, there are certain times of the year that are too emotional for me because of the values I place upon these times. They are November-December-January 1st and May-July.  The holiday season with Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years is very special to us. Growing up it was our family coming over or going to "Honey and Pa's"-my grandparents and everyone spending time together. For Matt and I it's about lots of joy and laughter and time together. May-July holds Mother's Day, my Momma's, Granny's, and Mary's {my Sister (in law)} birthdays, our anniversary, and my birthday. I'm very close with my momma and I would love to live near her so we can spend more time together....same with Granny and Mary. The other holidays don't mean the same without Matt. He always makes these days special. He's my best friend so nothing is the same without him.

So I have taken a couple of extend vacations to Arkansas to be near family during the days that would make me the saddest. My loud little brothers who will act just as silly as when we were kids always keep me happy. Britt and Blake are amazing brothers, even though they are in their 20's and one has kids of his own, they will wrestle and fight and tease like we are little kids again. It gives us a great laugh to act silly....then to watch mom act like she did years ago is even funnier.

My kids LOVE it in Arkansas. Go-carts, 4-wheeler, bikes, trikes, pools, slip-n-slides, hills to climb, trees to attempt to climb, and tall grasses to go exploring through, lots of land to play on, and plenty of adults to watch after them so they can play outside without mom stressing about them getting hurt or taken.

While in Colorado, we have a great support system with our church. A large majority of our youth group uses our house to hang out and to eat at before/after church. Many times some of the girls will drop by to check on me and the kids without warning. One day I was talking on the phone with our Pastor, 2 of the girls stopped by the house. Since I was on the phone I stepped into my room. When I came out, they were in the kitchen cooking breakfast. They are very relaxed at my house. I can call on some of them at all hours and they are there.  At one point my daughter was hospitalized for 4 days with pneumonia, I called on a lady friend from our church (whose daughter is in the youth group) because she lived the closest, I knew my children are comfortable with her, and she always told me she would be there for me. Her family took care of my boys while I was staying with my daughter in the hospital. I received many calls and texts from the church to check on my lil princess. THAT IS A CHURCH FAMILY!

On a daily basis, we homeschool, clean house, have park days, and just do random stuff to have fun. The one thing I try to do is once a week or once every other week. I try to do something that will give them a memory they won't forget. We drive in the mountains when I'm sick of the city. We tour military museums. We visit friends we haven't seen in a while. We take turns picking out movies to watch and have popcorn and movie night. It's not always the money that you spend it's the joy you put into making it special for the kids.

Matthew will be home in about 100 days. This is not the true number... I'm keeping that secret for security reasons....

Army/Military Wife Life-The Proud Version

"I don't know how you do it"
"Doesn't it get hard with kids by yourself."
"You are crazy for sticking with him"
"He volunteered for a deployment!?!"
"You volunteered to stay behind for year when you could have went with him?!?!"
"What do you mean you don't mind it?"

These are only some of the question/statements-we hear and often. Most of the time we don't mind answering the questions and it's our privilege to answer them. But sometimes of the comments are said with attitude...not a need for understanding. Many times we end up asking ourselves "Why did I may a soldier?" (airmen, marines, and seamen too).

We spend the majority of our married life while in the military apart. The military is our husband's mistress and she gets all the attention at times. The alarm goes off at 0500 every weekday and sometimes weekends too.

They may leave for work one morning and not come home for weeks at a time...even though they are just a few miles away.

There are times when we are spoken to in military lingo over the phone...and we stand there going "What???!!!" then we have to google the terms. Sometimes we get a phone call back with an explanation in English. Just to survive the language barrier we choose to learn the most common words and acronyms without complaint. We also learn there are 2 types of time... military and civilian. If it's on post everything goes by military time.

We attend unit functions and events (aka "mandatory fun days") proudly. We fix dishes for pot lucks, brings drinks or paper ware. We support our units in any way we can. We attend balls and wear colors that we normally wouldn't choose, but our colors represent our husbands career path i.e. infantry color is light blue; air defense artillery some sites say red and yellow and other sites say scarlet; military intelligence colors are oriental blue piped with silver gray. We simply try to find a color that looks good with our skin and hair while representing our husband the best we can.

We are told when and where to move. We go months/years without hugs and kisses. We expect 12 month deployments and they last longer.

Some Navy wives just know when their husbands are leaving and never know when to expect a phone call or when to see their husbands. They can go months without any communication. There are those wives whose husbands are  Special Forces when they leave they don't know where they are going, when they will be home, how long they will be gone, or if they will even hear from their spouse. To these wives: I salute you!

We can break down and cry at anytime without warning-at times. We learn to be without our husbands for our anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays. Some women give birth to children alone.

We learn how to fix things on our own. We learn how to depend on others for help when it gets too rough or we don't know how to fix certain things.

We learn how to move from larger houses to smaller ones and sell a lot of our possessions. We can pack a house in a day. We can move with short notices. We learn to pack up and go...leaving friends behind and making new ones.

Our children often have to leave in the middle of the school year. They leave friends. Sometimes they don't understand why they move so much.

We learn how to do last minute sewing on uniforms. Some of us use to spend hours ironing uniforms (thank God for wash and wear uniforms!) Some can polish shoes/boots for a Monday morning formation.

Some can pack the military duffel bags with exact precision.  We learn how to clean the TA-50 (gear). We will stay up late sitting in the living room with our husbands while he packs his gear for a 0600 inspection.

We wake up late night to children crying, not knowing or understanding where Daddy went. They don't understand why daddy has to go away. We become child psychologist at 2AM to help them understand. We go through a circle of emotions several times a year.

We can expect phone calls late at night from our husbands soldiers, if they need help. We don't mind. We learn that at times our husbands form a brotherhood with these men. These men will spend hours and days together. Then during a deployment they are the ones keeping the other one safe.

Even though we know our husbands one day may not come home to give us a hug, we still stand behind them. It's a deep fear during a deployment to get a knock at the door from someone unexpected bearing the bad news. But we still stand behind them.  We stand behind our husbands choice to defend the freedom of people he will never meet.  Some serve only a few years while others serve for 20 or more.

During deployments some of us return home to live near family so that we will have strong support during the rough times and holidays. Others stay behind and visit family. We build a strong network around us to help us...we have FRG's FSG's, churches, and other military wives to back us up.

So why do we do it....

Sure we have great benefits, but they don't compare to the feeling of standing there watching our husbands receive an award. When they are promoted we are often there watching. Some of us get the honor of being the first person to punch him (it's an Army thing) when we are the ones taking off the old rank, and putting on the new during a promotion ceremony. Then there's a reenlistment...we stand there watching him take an oath for another "X #" of years. We know we have more time to endure the same stuff...often more if they get higher in rank. But all in all it's worth it-to stand there with the pride of seeing the man we married be acknowledge for his good work.



Note: This is called the proud version because there are some wives who think that the Army is just a job. It's not...it's a way of life-he's a soldier 24/7.  There are wives who refuse military lingo, acronyms, or time to be spoken in the home. They argue and are bitter about the military. Personally, it's the man's place to take care of the family...if he chooses to do it as a military member then he needs his wife's support.

YES! There are tears!!

So often military wives hear "How do you do it?"; "I bet it's tough"; "I couldn't ever do it."  We really only have 2 choices: 1) Deal with it or 2)Quit.  Quitting means destroying a marriage, that was sworn by an oath to God to let "no man" (or orders) tear apart. If children are involved, it means destroying their lives. YES DIVORCE IS A TRAGEDY! UNLESS there is severe abuse. Marriage can survive anything (even abuse and adultery) IF God is in the middle with STRONG consistent counseling from a marriage therapist AND a Pastor. Divorce is a choice that shouldn't be taken lightly, but in some cases it is the only option.

Since Matt is not abusive or an adulterer AND we have 3 little lives that would be effected AND I love that man more than I can ever say... I really only have ONE choice... Deal with it.  Yes that's a little BLUNT. But sometimes being blunt is all that works. YES, there are tears! YES, there times the loneliness actually physically hurts! YES, the kids act out more often! YES, there are days we want to quit! YES, there are days we question our judgment to marry a military man! YES, emotions run very deep!

No matter how hard it gets we have to choose daily, to wake up a deal with daily life. We take it one day at a time. We lean on God for strength. We learn how to deal with the children's emotional breakdowns. We learn how to become "psychologists" for children, teens, and ourselves. We lean on "sisters" in the military and in church.  We learn how to be repair men. We can fix almost anything that breaks and if it's too big of a job,  we have a LARGE network of other military wives to find out who has the best work for the money.  We find that ONE friend who is the only one who can look at us in the middle of an emotional breakdown and say "Girl, get hold of yourself and put your big girl panties on". 

So no matter how lonely we get; no matter how much we cry; no matter what the future holds, we simply have to trust God and keep going one day at a time.

I'm not perfect but I'm positive

I'm not a perfect mom. I'm not a perfect wife. But what makes me better than average is the fact that I continuously try to do better. I try to be more loving, more knowledgeable, a better cook, a more educated person. I expand my thoughts and knowledge through books, blogs, articles, and experiences.

THEREFORE:

If I don't post everyday as intended.... THAT'S OK! Because I'm a busy mom and it's ok to "fail" to reach a goal. The key to winning is to NOT give up. If I quit all together and decided that it's not worth the hassel, then I have failed myself and those who "follow" the blog. If I sit down and type for 15 minutes like I am doing NOW then I can continue on. The journey of life isn't fun unless there are mountains to climb and valleys to tread. Thorns may cut but the beauty of beholding the rose is worth it.

In all things: 1) KEEP GOD FIRST, 2) KEEP FAMILY SECOND, 3) LOVE OTHERS AND GOD WITH ALL YOU HAVE. Keep your priorities in the order God has set and you will succeed in life. When you step off the correct path, all you have to do is turn and get back on the right one. It's always YOUR CHOICE. Choose to do right, choose to keep going, choose to keep positive.

Loving vacation

We are still visiting with family. It's been such a relief to be near the ones we love the most during the holidays. We are waiting for payday so that we can go back to Colorado. We will miss our families so much, but we know it's time to go back to Colorado. Matthias starts school once he turns 5. Halle will start preschool at the same time. I prefer "year round" schooling so that we can vacation and take breaks as we need.

It's been a blessing to be with family!

Get involved

While your soldier (airman, seaman, or marine) is gone, you can busy yourself by volunteering.  A woman doesn't have to "work" to contribute to the family and the community. I work from home but volunteering gives you that warm feeling inside. The military bases have tons of opportunities for volunteers. If you want to give more than just the base itself. Here are some ideas:

Start gathering toys for children of lower ranking personnel for Christmas.
Start a food pantry to give to those in need on base.
Start a coat drive.
(With these keep in mind: you never know someone's personal business. Hard times can fall on anyone!)

Off base:
Do the same as above.
Take sleeping bags to the homeless.
Gather old (still in good condition clothing) to give to those who can't buy new clothes or the homeless.
Take bags of canned food to the needy.
Volunteer to clean your church or mow the lawn
Pick up trash at your local park (use gloves)
Paint over graffitti
Volunteer at a local soup kitchen
Don't have a soup kitchen...start one at your local community center and get sponsors from local businesses
Go visit an elderly in your community: you can learn TONS of information and bless their day
Take the elderly to run errands or to go shopping


Got kids:
Become a 4H or other such club
Teach them the art of giving: take them with you when donating to the homeless. (school age or older and take a trusted man and another woman with you-just in case-most of them are harmless and grateful for something warm but you always want to be safe)
Volunteer at your child's school

Home with family...

I support military wives choices to either remain at their duty station during a deployment or an unaccompanied tour. There are some who prefer to stay behind and there are those who prefer to stay with family for support.  For me I can handle it either way, but during those favorite times of the year I don't want to be "left behind".  So for those times we go home to be with family. 

There is definately an advantage to being a professional mom and a homeschooling family. I can stop and start as I need too. We can pack up and move our lives as we need.

Activities In and Around Colorado Springs for Fun

CHURCH
Focus on the Family
CHURCH
Cheyenne Mountain Zoo
CHURCH
Garden of the gods
CHURCH
Dinosaur Museum in Woodland Park
CHURCH
Country Drive in the Mountains to look for Deer, Elk, and other Wild Life
CHURCH
Tour a health food store to talk about eating healthy
CHURCH
Drive around the military bases and look at the Jets, Planes, and Tanks on display
CHURCH
Go to the park
CHURCH
Go to the gym
CHURCH
Go to the "play areas" at the mall
CHURCH

Hmmm.... I mention church alot! Why? Because in the church is where children NEED to be. We rarely miss church. My children have grown to love it so much. It helps them to see "their friends" (which is just about everyone in the church). Going to church consistantly gives your children a sense of belonging and a love for church. It will become a habit for them to go to church regularly.

If you don't have a church to call home and you live in the Colorado Springs area, please contact me about our wonderful church. They have been the ones who help me make it through the tough times. As soon as I walk in the door, my children run go see their friends and I know without a doubt my children are safe.

Acting Out and Wisdom About Parenting

Matthias is starting to act out more, but he's learning quickly that mom isn't giving in and will NOT tolerate bad behavior. We do a lot of talks with discipline if needed. Direct defiance is the only action that requires a spanking (according to Dr. James Dobson). I personally believe that a corporal punishment should be the last resort, but I believe it is necessary. Too much will not make it effective. Children will determine "why try I'm just going to get in trouble".

Parenting is not all about behavior control. It's about giving them training them and teaching them in a way that what they believe is deeply rooted in them so that their behavior reflects their values. If you teach your children core values they will respect them.

I want my children to be respectful and loving. We must model for them who we expect them to be. If we want 2-faced Christians in the church, then we live a double life. If we want to raise little gossips, we gossip so our children will learn how.

First Sickness While Daddy Is Gone

Last night I got less than 3 hours of sleep. Halle kept waking in the night crying and hurting. She was pouring sweat around 2AM. This morning she woke up with the sniffles even though it's minor now she's still whiny. That takes a lot out of a mom. She didn't want to eat this morning. I even tried her favorites oatmeal, fresh fruit, dried fruit, milk... She ate some grapes and wanted a little water. Now she is in the bath with the baby (I'm sitting right beside the bath), she is playing more now. Water always excites children! I love my kids!!!

Two Companies every person should know about!!!

There are 2 companies that I believe every person should use:

~Melaleuca.... They promote health and wellness with EXCELLENT vitamins, nontoxic and biodegradable cleaning products and personal care products, and excellent weightloss helps!  Sign up is usually $29 plus your monthly product committment. If you switch your stores, instead of buy at your local store order from Melaleuca and you will save money!!!  Sign Ups are only $1 until 20 October 2010!!!  You can build a business with this company. Which is one of the reasons I use them!  They are endorsed by Dave Ramsey.
Email me at: spurlock060703@aol.com for more information.

~PrePaid Legal... Promoting excellent legal services that EVERYONE should have just in case. It's like having insurance for your legal needs. Words cannot describe the benefits and security that comes from having this for emergencies and peace of mind that no matter what happens you can request legal help. Endorsed by Robert Kiyosaki. A Fortune 500 company. Publicly traded on NYSE. 
Visit my website www.prepaidlegal.com/hub/bridgettespurlock for more information or to sign up!

1 Month and 1 Day completed

It's been 1 month and 1 day since Matt has left. The kids are adjusting better. They have started talking about him being gone and using the phrase "daddy will be back soon".  Matt has been faithful in calling on Skype everyday! Which helps the kids know that even though he's not here, he hasn't left them. They do tend to cling to me often but that's ok. They are just making sure mommy will be here.

So far I have tossed out over 200lbs of junk. I have had my last yard sale of the season and I got rid of all the baby/toddler clothes that I had. I also have lots of clothes that I'm taking to my neice. We have been detailing the house. Focusing on one room a week, so by the time Matt returns the house should have been detailed cleaned about 40 times (taking several vacations this year to Arkansas).

QUICK NOTE TO SELF: GET INSURANCE LICENSE FOR ARKANSAS!!! I represent prepaid legal and it is considered insurance in Arkansas.

I have been redoing the house and trying to make it look like a new home before Matt returns.  I have moved Malachi in to Matthias' room. But due to the cold I have had to move all the kids in my room. We are waiting until the 14th to get the furnance cleaned so that it will be ready for use.

I have the best church here in Colorado Springs. On some Friday's I have 2 of the youth girls, Keeleigh and Jessica come by. This past Saturday Sister Vickie came over to help me with my yard sale.  Last weekend, Bro Joe-Joe, Elder Bro Carrol, and Pastor Turpin, all helped fix my brakes. They had to drive back to the Springs for the part, after I had drove to the mountains to get them fixed.  It was a late night, however, it was great to spend time talking to Sister Stephanie and Elder Sister Carrol.

Well, malachi is crying so I have to get him in bed. I can't wait to post pics of my projects I've completed.