"I don't know how you do it"
"Doesn't it get hard with kids by yourself."
"You are crazy for sticking with him"
"He volunteered for a deployment!?!"
"You volunteered to stay behind for year when you could have went with him?!?!"
"What do you mean you don't mind it?"
These are only some of the question/statements-we hear and often. Most of the time we don't mind answering the questions and it's our privilege to answer them. But sometimes of the comments are said with attitude...not a need for understanding. Many times we end up asking ourselves "Why did I may a soldier?" (airmen, marines, and seamen too).
We spend the majority of our married life while in the military apart. The military is our husband's mistress and she gets all the attention at times. The alarm goes off at 0500 every weekday and sometimes weekends too.
They may leave for work one morning and not come home for weeks at a time...even though they are just a few miles away.
There are times when we are spoken to in military lingo over the phone...and we stand there going "What???!!!" then we have to google the terms. Sometimes we get a phone call back with an explanation in English. Just to survive the language barrier we choose to learn the most common words and acronyms without complaint. We also learn there are 2 types of time... military and civilian. If it's on post everything goes by military time.
We attend unit functions and events (aka "mandatory fun days") proudly. We fix dishes for pot lucks, brings drinks or paper ware. We support our units in any way we can. We attend balls and wear colors that we normally wouldn't choose, but our colors represent our husbands career path i.e. infantry color is light blue; air defense artillery some sites say red and yellow and other sites say scarlet; military intelligence colors are oriental blue piped with silver gray. We simply try to find a color that looks good with our skin and hair while representing our husband the best we can.
We are told when and where to move. We go months/years without hugs and kisses. We expect 12 month deployments and they last longer.
Some Navy wives just know when their husbands are leaving and never know when to expect a phone call or when to see their husbands. They can go months without any communication. There are those wives whose husbands are Special Forces when they leave they don't know where they are going, when they will be home, how long they will be gone, or if they will even hear from their spouse. To these wives: I salute you!
We can break down and cry at anytime without warning-at times. We learn to be without our husbands for our anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays. Some women give birth to children alone.
We learn how to fix things on our own. We learn how to depend on others for help when it gets too rough or we don't know how to fix certain things.
We learn how to move from larger houses to smaller ones and sell a lot of our possessions. We can pack a house in a day. We can move with short notices. We learn to pack up and go...leaving friends behind and making new ones.
Our children often have to leave in the middle of the school year. They leave friends. Sometimes they don't understand why they move so much.
We learn how to do last minute sewing on uniforms. Some of us use to spend hours ironing uniforms (thank God for wash and wear uniforms!) Some can polish shoes/boots for a Monday morning formation.
Some can pack the military duffel bags with exact precision. We learn how to clean the TA-50 (gear). We will stay up late sitting in the living room with our husbands while he packs his gear for a 0600 inspection.
We wake up late night to children crying, not knowing or understanding where Daddy went. They don't understand why daddy has to go away. We become child psychologist at 2AM to help them understand. We go through a circle of emotions several times a year.
We can expect phone calls late at night from our husbands soldiers, if they need help. We don't mind. We learn that at times our husbands form a brotherhood with these men. These men will spend hours and days together. Then during a deployment they are the ones keeping the other one safe.
Even though we know our husbands one day may not come home to give us a hug, we still stand behind them. It's a deep fear during a deployment to get a knock at the door from someone unexpected bearing the bad news. But we still stand behind them. We stand behind our husbands choice to defend the freedom of people he will never meet. Some serve only a few years while others serve for 20 or more.
During deployments some of us return home to live near family so that we will have strong support during the rough times and holidays. Others stay behind and visit family. We build a strong network around us to help us...we have FRG's FSG's, churches, and other military wives to back us up.
So why do we do it....
Sure we have great benefits, but they don't compare to the feeling of standing there watching our husbands receive an award. When they are promoted we are often there watching. Some of us get the honor of being the first person to punch him (it's an Army thing) when we are the ones taking off the old rank, and putting on the new during a promotion ceremony. Then there's a reenlistment...we stand there watching him take an oath for another "X #" of years. We know we have more time to endure the same stuff...often more if they get higher in rank. But all in all it's worth it-to stand there with the pride of seeing the man we married be acknowledge for his good work.
Note: This is called the proud version because there are some wives who think that the Army is just a job. It's not...it's a way of life-he's a soldier 24/7. There are wives who refuse military lingo, acronyms, or time to be spoken in the home. They argue and are bitter about the military. Personally, it's the man's place to take care of the family...if he chooses to do it as a military member then he needs his wife's support.
"Doesn't it get hard with kids by yourself."
"You are crazy for sticking with him"
"He volunteered for a deployment!?!"
"You volunteered to stay behind for year when you could have went with him?!?!"
"What do you mean you don't mind it?"
These are only some of the question/statements-we hear and often. Most of the time we don't mind answering the questions and it's our privilege to answer them. But sometimes of the comments are said with attitude...not a need for understanding. Many times we end up asking ourselves "Why did I may a soldier?" (airmen, marines, and seamen too).
We spend the majority of our married life while in the military apart. The military is our husband's mistress and she gets all the attention at times. The alarm goes off at 0500 every weekday and sometimes weekends too.
They may leave for work one morning and not come home for weeks at a time...even though they are just a few miles away.
There are times when we are spoken to in military lingo over the phone...and we stand there going "What???!!!" then we have to google the terms. Sometimes we get a phone call back with an explanation in English. Just to survive the language barrier we choose to learn the most common words and acronyms without complaint. We also learn there are 2 types of time... military and civilian. If it's on post everything goes by military time.
We attend unit functions and events (aka "mandatory fun days") proudly. We fix dishes for pot lucks, brings drinks or paper ware. We support our units in any way we can. We attend balls and wear colors that we normally wouldn't choose, but our colors represent our husbands career path i.e. infantry color is light blue; air defense artillery some sites say red and yellow and other sites say scarlet; military intelligence colors are oriental blue piped with silver gray. We simply try to find a color that looks good with our skin and hair while representing our husband the best we can.
We are told when and where to move. We go months/years without hugs and kisses. We expect 12 month deployments and they last longer.
Some Navy wives just know when their husbands are leaving and never know when to expect a phone call or when to see their husbands. They can go months without any communication. There are those wives whose husbands are Special Forces when they leave they don't know where they are going, when they will be home, how long they will be gone, or if they will even hear from their spouse. To these wives: I salute you!
We can break down and cry at anytime without warning-at times. We learn to be without our husbands for our anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays. Some women give birth to children alone.
We learn how to fix things on our own. We learn how to depend on others for help when it gets too rough or we don't know how to fix certain things.
We learn how to move from larger houses to smaller ones and sell a lot of our possessions. We can pack a house in a day. We can move with short notices. We learn to pack up and go...leaving friends behind and making new ones.
Our children often have to leave in the middle of the school year. They leave friends. Sometimes they don't understand why they move so much.
We learn how to do last minute sewing on uniforms. Some of us use to spend hours ironing uniforms (thank God for wash and wear uniforms!) Some can polish shoes/boots for a Monday morning formation.
Some can pack the military duffel bags with exact precision. We learn how to clean the TA-50 (gear). We will stay up late sitting in the living room with our husbands while he packs his gear for a 0600 inspection.
We wake up late night to children crying, not knowing or understanding where Daddy went. They don't understand why daddy has to go away. We become child psychologist at 2AM to help them understand. We go through a circle of emotions several times a year.
We can expect phone calls late at night from our husbands soldiers, if they need help. We don't mind. We learn that at times our husbands form a brotherhood with these men. These men will spend hours and days together. Then during a deployment they are the ones keeping the other one safe.
Even though we know our husbands one day may not come home to give us a hug, we still stand behind them. It's a deep fear during a deployment to get a knock at the door from someone unexpected bearing the bad news. But we still stand behind them. We stand behind our husbands choice to defend the freedom of people he will never meet. Some serve only a few years while others serve for 20 or more.
During deployments some of us return home to live near family so that we will have strong support during the rough times and holidays. Others stay behind and visit family. We build a strong network around us to help us...we have FRG's FSG's, churches, and other military wives to back us up.
So why do we do it....
Sure we have great benefits, but they don't compare to the feeling of standing there watching our husbands receive an award. When they are promoted we are often there watching. Some of us get the honor of being the first person to punch him (it's an Army thing) when we are the ones taking off the old rank, and putting on the new during a promotion ceremony. Then there's a reenlistment...we stand there watching him take an oath for another "X #" of years. We know we have more time to endure the same stuff...often more if they get higher in rank. But all in all it's worth it-to stand there with the pride of seeing the man we married be acknowledge for his good work.
Note: This is called the proud version because there are some wives who think that the Army is just a job. It's not...it's a way of life-he's a soldier 24/7. There are wives who refuse military lingo, acronyms, or time to be spoken in the home. They argue and are bitter about the military. Personally, it's the man's place to take care of the family...if he chooses to do it as a military member then he needs his wife's support.
